CHRIST-MASS

 

Edition 1 Issue #11

A Joyous and Happy festive season to all; it’s Christmas, one of the biggest holidays of the year and the celebrations have been going on for months, especially the shopping.  Since Black Friday and Thanksgiving we are immersed in a frenzy of buying and shopping and festivities.  For some of us it is a time of great joy and family gathering and re-connecting.  Reconnecting with friends and acquaintances we haven’t seen possibly for a year.

Why is Christ in Christ-Mass? Well it’s a Celebration, a Mass or Ceremony honouring Christ the Lord, son of God who manifested in human form, like us, to teach us the path of the Spirit, the principles of right living, Christ Consciousness, or Universal Laws. Enjoy the Celebration, and remember: whatever you conception of God, this story of a child of God being among, his story, is symbolic in it depicts the right consciousness to achieve Enlightenment, and he promised it was possible for any and all of us to achieve this. The Grace of God is right here for us at all times. We don't need to do anything special, or be anyone special to deserve it, we only have to recognize it and accept it is ours for the taking. Period!

Holy Night

Recently I was listening to a sermon and the theme was the song “Holy Night” and the metaphysical power this song has.  The pastor mentioned the WW1 Christmas Eve when this song, “Holy Night” sung on Christmas Eve from both the British and the German side created a ‘ceasefire’ or truce, and the troops actually engaged on the front line exchanging gifts and possibly even had a football (soccer here in North America) match. 

What Greatness GOD Creates when we allow this.  GOD allowed us, his children, the power of choice.  And with this power of choice we chose to create ego-mind  (read about EGO-MIND in January 2015 right here, tune into this station.  Or better yet, subscribe to our newsletter to be sure to get the latest blog delivered right where you can get it every week!)  and when we are in our ego, or otherwise explained as the hamster running on the wheel in our heads, the constant chirping and ideas which are killing us, but we can’t change the default, no matter how bad it gets it’s our ‘comfort zone’, our natural state of consciousness returns to the ‘default’ settings until we make up our minds to do inner work of healing and “reprogramming”.  We found the 12 step work of AA, or other affiliated programs (World Services of Alcoholics Anonymous says there are about 160 active 12 Step Programs derived from the original AA, and there have been over 300 “12 Step” groups of all kinds formed aver the years since AA was formed in 1935) including narcotics Anonymous, Weight Watchers Anonymous, Co-Dependants Anonymous, etc.… We can go on, the point here is the 12 Steps works for not only alcoholics and addicts but would be beneficial to all who feel the need for change and find a Spiritual Solution.  Here at Beyond the 12th Step we share the road to Enlightenment, the path to salvation and Peace.  Individuation or Self-Realization are other terms for the path we seek, as well as the Red Road in North American Aboriginal culture. And remember Sigmund Freud informed us many years ago that “Native North Americans are some of the most Spiritually developed peoples in the world”.  In future blog posts I will describe my experiences with the First Nations Tribe: Esktem’c Peoples at Alkali Lake up in CANADA. They have a strong community and have just celebrated 40 years of sobriety, the whole reserve is now dry (read in the 90 percentile or so at last information. A community, who did not have a sober member 50 years ago and was known as “Alcohol Lake”, see the documentary “Honour of All” for more information and an amazing store of healing.)

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LONELINESS

For others it is a time of loneliness, of regret, of remembering the lost connections, the wreckage of our past the harm we have done to others and/or the separation we were victim of or which we created.  Disassociation from friends and family as our alcoholic, or addiction worsened and we sever ties.  We sever ties with not only friends and family and all those expressing Love for us, usually because it stands in the way of our alcoholism and addiction.  We allow our families to celebrate Christmas and other holidays without us and in our denial think we are hurting no one but ourselves, oh how wrong we are. The people love us the most we forsake, just as we forsake our Creator and cry foul saying God has forsaken me, oh woe is me… When it is us who create separation, separation from the Sunlight of the Spirit and all that is good.  We are so in denial, we think we aren’t harming anyone else, and is we keep away as our behaviour worsens it’s better for everyone.  Not realizing this causes great harm, loss and sadness to our loved ones and families.  We don’t realize the pain we create thinking we are the only ones suffering.  Justifying by telling ourselves no one really cares, no one really understands we are so alone and we need to continue on this journey of self-destruction… Until we crash and burn so bad, until we harm ourselves or someone else irreversibly and wind up in jail, or hospitals, or institutions.  Or maybe an intervention occurs, at first causing us such grief and pain, but for some this creates a realization we are harming our loved ones, they really do care and only recovery and a re-connection to a Power Greater than ourselves which restores us to sanity, and health, is the answer.  For some of us it could happens relatively easily, for others much more challenging in the journey. 

A friend was sharing the fact he broke his neck and was on his death bed was not enough to make him stop drinking.  He shared how he lived to drink, and on his recovery journey, having survived breaking his neck, he still couldn’t stop drinking because the conditioning and habit to drink is just too strong.

DEFAULT

I relate this to our ‘default’ setting, and the story goes like this:  Have you ever had a computer of a smartphone, cell phone, where there was some program or setting you changed.  Then all of a sudden it was back the way it was, you take all the time and technical skill you can muster and change the setting again.  Like, let’s say the ring tone has a default, really annoying ring’ so I figured out, in the settings, and then in ring tones and then more settings and then how to download, for me this is days and days’ worth of research and work…  I get the ring tone changed.  Plug the phone in and later when my friend calls it’s the ‘default’ ring tone!  I go back in and change it again, only to have it default back to the initial annoying tone. Human condition: changing the default is only achieved through careful inner work and changing of habit form, over time it works, it really does. But only if it carefully and honestly worked at.

Well our alcoholism/addictions are like this for a lot of us.  We do some work, we try and stop, we get into a program of recovery, we make up our minds we really have had enough of hurting and hurting others and of the wreckage and on and on.  We have had enough, and do the work.  Only to have the default setting bring us right back where we started off.  In the grips of our illness:  And ill-ness it is, dis-ease at its worse and most aggressive is when we are in our heads, and in ego-driven

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Look for next week’s edition, the first of the New Year, on “FAITH”.  And be sure to subscribe to our weekly newsletter to receive it directly to your inbox, you won’t miss a beat.

GUILT & SHAME

EDITION 1 Issue  #10

Coming home from a meeting Saturday night, (yes I spend my Saturday nights in a meeting, I have learned to come to meetings because I enjoy the fellowship and I need to give of myself to retain my sobriety… More on this in another issue) reviewing the meeting in my head:

The meeting was excellent, one of my favorite times of the week when we sit in a semi-circle around a huge fireplace in a Church annex.  I shared on ‘guilt and shame’ and why, deep inside, I have a need to hold onto the things that are so damaging, so painful and so detrimental to continued evolution in the journey to Enlightenment.  Why I hold onto past guilt and shame of things I had no control over, or things I did because  of what I knew, of how I grew up, of the way things were before change came about.  I dwell in the past sometimes and feel the deep guilt of how I hurt others, especially loved ones.  But I need to get past this guilt and shame, I need to write out the 4th step on the things which are killing me, killing me because deep inside I hold on to the horrible feeling it’s all my fault, when in fact its not my fault.  “I did the things I did because I knew the things I knew.”(The late Scott Swan used to express this all the time, and I borrow from him. May he rest in peace).

INSANITY

So if I’m doing the same thing over and over and hurting the ones I love the most in life, over and over, something has got to give.  (It appears the common description of insanity come from Einstein’s saying about defining insanity by doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results, usually getting the same result from the same conduct…) Something has got to change, something has got to give.  When I asked what I needed to change, my AA sponsor (Bob R. of River Group Ladner) said: ‘everything”.  Say what?  He said “everything”; you need to change everything, the way you think, your habits, your circle of friends, the way you treat people.  You have to re-learn how to live. (This is what the 12 Step work does, it has us do inner-work which changes our thinking patterns to live by principles of Universal Love. Principles of Universal Law.)   The past is gone, it will never come back, you can’t change it, but you can change the now!  You can change the future by doing the work instils change.  You need to change the way you interact with others, the way your warped, gangland thinking treats others has to go.  You have to learn to think, act, and react from a place of caring and empathy.  From a new ‘world-view’ of Love, of loving others, of loving the neighbor and the guys, and gals, I didn't like.  Knowing people are different I didn't have to like the way or the look of how you are, but I had lo learn to Love; to Love fellow humans for what they were: fellow human in the human condition.  Given the power of choice, we don’t always choose what’s best for us.  I had to re-look at all life and know however you acted and thought was beyond my control, but I had to look at you all with Love and compassion, no matter how different, I needed to learn acceptance and remove myself from judgement.  How hard is this?  Extremely difficult at first: I was so judgemental of everything you do, everything you say, of the way you acted, even the way you walked, or sat, or everything….  I was so sick and full of judgement.

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 NOT ALONE

I see I’m not alone because my fellows are deeply interested with my compelling argument the need for change is real, yet we hold out. Some of us, maybe most of us, held out for a long time before admitting there was a problem, for some of us, even after we admitted there was a problem, held out. We thought we could do it on our own. We thought we could find the ‘simpler softer way, but we could not.’ All our attempts are the ego expressing the need to remain in fear. Remaining in guilt and shame guarantees the ego we will not find peace, for peace is in the Present moment, peace resides in the ”NOW” and we cannot achieve being in the “NOW” unless we replace the fear with Love.

 Our continued denial of the ego-mind and reliance on the fear of past experience to guide us towards our future. This resistance to change is a part of the human condition.  We have a solution: a solution based in using the Universal Love, and a Spiritual Solution attained through inner-work followed by continuous devotion to Prayer and Meditation.  

ESCAPE

Love for the Universal Creation, or GOD as I understand now, is the Liberation and Atonement.  Love for myself!  Yes, self-Love.  We could write a book on this alone.  How, when I came into recovery, I was in such pain and emptiness.  When I heard in the rooms someone speak the words: “Let us Love you until you can Love yourself” I cringed inside.  I felt this horrible sense of unease; an emptiness inside which I couldn’t put my finger on.  Horrible uneasiness crept over me and I shut down.  I wanted only to escape. I wanted to run away, like I always did in the face of emotion, run…  Escape the only way I knew how, in oblivion induced by excessive amounts of alcohol and drugs.  I seldom had an urge to do drugs first, or on their own, but as soon as I though of the drink in my hand, I knew I needed something more to take me to the next level of numbness.  The next level of escape, escape from the fear, escape from the uncertainty, escape from the inability to cope with the way life was unfolding.  Not having cultivated the skill set most humans develop through the cognitive stage of development, pre-teen through teen years, since I had continually escaped through substance abuse to quash all feelings and emotion. I didn’t have the tools required to deal wish life on life’s terms.  Escape was needed until I found:

UNIVERSAL MIND

I came into the room broken, a lost souls without hope.  In a “seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” so the book (Alcoholics Anonymous) expresses the way I was, the way I felt, the way life treated me.  The way I think, the way I feel, the desperation until fellow members guided me through the work, the inner-work of the 12 steps led me to find myself, led me to sanity and finding UNIVERSAL MIND’ or GOD as I understand Him(Her), this finding is the expression of evolutionary expansion of the universe.  I learnt self-awareness, and mindfulness; and a new way of living based on empathy and compassion.  Now I know I am a part of this; a part of the Oneness of this Universal Consciousness and forever I will be Thankful and Grateful for what has been revealed to me.  And here I need to express this Gratitude in continuously sharing the on the Gifts freely given to me by Universal Mind.  May you find this NOW! 

We are a community here to help.  We are a Faith based organization and welcome your feedback.  We welcome your comments and hope you feel the compulsion to give and subscribe to our community so we can continue our beneficial work and keep this site, our community and outreach going for long time coming.  We encourage your support; we encourage you to join us in prayer and meditation. We encourage you to share as contributing writes if you feel the urge to submit in the 1200 word range, we welcome your participation though we cannot guarantee we will publish your work, we will carefully look at all submissions for clarity and context speaking to the solution.

Look for next week’s edition on “CHRIST-MASS”.  And be sure to subscribe to our weekly newsletter to receive it directly in your mailbox, you won’t miss a beat.

VICTIM

                                                                                                               12/12/14

Edition 1 Issue #9

I’ve been posting on Wednesdays since we went live on October 22, 2014 and will continued with the weekly post which ultimately we may shift to a twice weekly, or possibly a daily newsletter with writings from selected contributors, but I felt a need to write this 12/12 blog and to let you all know that even though I write mostly about the 12 Steps in recovery highlighting Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous in particular, and our journey to enlightenment through a Spiritual Solution.  I want you to know that our outreach is far more than to the alcoholic and the addict.  We support and recommend, in effect, anyone who is suffering and especially victims of abuse or bullying, and other terrible tragedy leads to depression, being overly self-critical and self-harm, and ultimately to addiction or suicidal thoughts.  You need us, and we are here for you because we know what it’s like to be a victim.

We know what it’s like to feel lesser than, to feel neglected or abused, and bullied and stuff because we have been there… We so understand what it’s like ‘cause for a lot of us that’s when the addiction started to ease the pain of abuse, and the cycle started into drug and alcohol abuse, to numb the pain.  To escape from reality, to dull the desperation we felt.  It started with the neglect, or the physical and then sexual abuse and led to drinking and drugging and then to prostitution either as a runaway or to pay the pusher for the dope; and then the pusher became the pimp. The cycle of infinite desperation commences and then never stops until we find a glimmer of hope.

HOPE

This is where we come in.  We offer not only HOPE, but a Spiritual Solution to the problems of not being able to cope with life as we know it.  So we had to find a different way.  Some of us found the Spiritual Solution in Narcotics Anonymous and the 12 Step work.  Others found Salvation through the 12 Step work of the original Alcoholics Anonymous groups; where we found people just like us who had lost at the game of life.  They said “Stick with the winners.”  I asked where are the winners if they are like me and lost at the game of life?  Little did I know we are the chosen few who will recover from this seemingly hopeless place of mind and body.  Who felt desperation and emptiness and through the 12 Step work and a Spiritual Awakening found our Creator; in a Power Greater than ourselves who restored us to sanity, because we had become insane!  Insane, (read this week’s blog on INSANITY below) yes, I was out of my mind!  Everything I did was to get my own way, was ego-driven and self-centered to the core.  I was insane! 

I needed to find a solution; and the solution found me through the Grace of a Higher Power.  The Power we no longer knew we had.  I had disconnected from Oneness without knowing it.  I felt this hole in my stomach and continuously tried to fill the emptiness with outside things.  With stuff, we stuffed our feelings with stuff, physical stuff like toys, bigger and better cars and homes, and TV’s; or with food, or alcohol or drugs or prescriptions and sometimes mixing one with the other, and for some of us all the above looking for bigger stuff, stronger stuff, more stuff, always stuff:  Until we no longer wanted to be in this horrible world.  For me, who now doesn’t believe there actually is a hell, I created my hell on earth, a place of despair and desperation, a place of emptiness and loathing.  I no longer loved myself and so I felt so empty I needed a hell to manifest the feelings I had...  Oh how wrong I was.  How horrible a place I created for myself when Heaven is at the tip of my fingers, yet I didn’t know it.  I thought I deserved what I got, what I had.  I thought I deserved to be alone, empty, full of fear and depression.  I thought I wasn’t worthy of the nicer things in life because of the things I had done, the things had been done to me.  The way it was!

From DESPAIR to RELIEF

Here is how wrong I was.  I didn’t have to live in hell.  I didn’t have to live the feelings I had, it was all an illusion created from an insane mind who had lost sanity from excessive drugs and alcohol and abuse and everything.  Then I found out it didn’t have to be this was.  There was Hope; there was Hope in the discovery of twelve steps to freedom.  The freedom from this self-serving and self-loathing, being empty of all feeling; freedom from bondage of self was in the inner work of the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.  This is where I found my Freedom.  As I began the journey, thinking I was learning about addiction and alcoholism, I soon discovered the purpose was to find a Higher Power, a Power Greater than myself who would relieve me of the insanity I was living.  I discovered the step work was not about finding out about alcoholism, but a journey of self-discovery, of inner work, and the journey to Enlightenment began.  A Spiritual Solution was a hand and I had to completely give myself to the program to be able to manifest the Light I was being freely given.  I learnt, among other things, that the Grace of God is at the tip of our fingers at all times.  Having been given the power of choice, I had chosen to ignore it and let it sit there unused for so long.  Unused Power of Creation, right there at my fingertips my whole life!  Today I chose to accept this, to hold the Love and Light of the Infinite Source close to my heart.  This Power: a Power Greater than ‘ourselves’ can be found in a miraculous place in our heart, or so the book Alcoholics Anonymous tells us.  Right here in my heart the whole time, I chose to ignore it.  So with the Hope of the twelve step work, I went from despair to relief.  It wasn’t easy but the journey was worth it.

Salvation

My salvation was in the steps and the inner work this gift which was freely given to be, helped by the others who had recognized this gift and held onto it for dear life as once we held onto the things which were killing us, we held onto them for dear life, and for some of us it killed them, for others it made us strong enough, to want it enough, to do the work to the best of our ability.  Nowhere does the work tell us we need to be perfect, to work perfectly, it allows us to be human and assures us progress rather than perfection is the goal.  And slowly, progressively the light shines brighter and brighter within us.. And God puts people, places and things in our path to help us grow, to help us shine and discover a whole new world.  A whole new Heavenly place where we can discover Gratitude on a daily basis, on and moment to moment basis and we can feel the present moment like we never knew existed.

Yours in Love and Light,

Friend of Bill W. (I use the pseudonym, or pen name, “Bill Wilsonsfriend” on Facebook and other writings. For those who recognize me, I will ask you to protect my anonymity.)

#victim  #abuse #suicide #harm #kindnessmatters #wordshurt #alcoholism #recovery #addiction

INSANITY

 

Edition 1 Issue #8

Here’s a big one! INSANITY!  Wow!  When I was told I was insane when I drink, when I drug, when I feel the need to get my way, when I am selfish and self-centered I am in the grips of ego-mind!  (Read my blog post on EGO-MIND at the end of January 2015.  Subscribe now and you can get it delivered directly to your preferred email).   What insanity!  I do and act out in hurtful ways to get MY way.  Most often not realizing I am hurting the ones I most love in life.  Am I really INSANE?  The answer for all of us alcoholics and addicts is an astounding YES!  My thinking is on a level of insanity when I’m ego-driven, selfish thoughts are insane.  I do and act in ways normal people would find appalling.  And it’s not limited to those of us abuse drugs and/or alcohol and other harmful behaviors, but everyone feels separation from the Source (which I choose to call GOD, the GOD of my understanding and not a religious icon on a pedestal. More on this in another issue)

How do we move away from insanity, from the constant chirping in our head tells us it’s okay to do the things we do?  We do the things we do because we know the things we know.  If I don’t realize my insanity, that my actions are harmful to others, I will never be able to move forward.  It’s when we realize, sometimes because someone says to us we need help, sometimes we see in ourselves, for a fleeting moment, we aren’t who we wish to be, who we once aspired to be.  This is the moment of TRUTH, grasp it!

Photograph by author all rights reserved © 2014 beyondthe12th.com

TRUTH

The moment of truth is when we realize there is something wrong.  This is the first inkling into self-awareness.  Grasp this moment and don’t let go.  As soon as there is enough awareness to know there is a problem, you have identified ego-mind and ego-mind is harmful to the greater good of YOU!  This is where you must tell ego-mind to get away, stand behind me ego.  This is where we are open to the first step: “We have to complete admit to our innermost selves that we are alcoholics.” (This is the start of the 3rd paragraph of the chapter “More about Alcoholism” from the Big Book of AA. Step one.)

Or for me I interchange the word alcoholic to, and excuse me to those clean minded as I swear, I interchanged alcoholic to “I’m fucked”.  I completely admitted to my innermost self that I was FUCKED, and that I could no longer safely direct my own life.  I then surrendered my will and my life over to a power greater than myself and began a life based on prayer, meditation and completion of twelve step work.  I did twelve step work to the best of my ability and have come out the other end with an understanding of a Greater Power, a GOD of my understanding where I can say, in all honesty:

GOD  -            Direct me in my thinking,

    -                         Show me your will for me

     -                       And Give me the Power to carry that out.

SALVATION

From the moment I became willing to allow a Power Greater than myself access to relieve me from the bondage of self.  The bondage of self-centeredness, selfishness was the moment I allowed the miracle of self-awareness to enter my life, to open my soul to the beauties of the Divine, to allow the Grace of a Higher Power to relieve me from the torment of my selfishness and ego-mind.  As I mentioned in past blogs, my dear departed friend Milton Merle would say: “My head’s got a contract out on my ass!” and sure enough I understand that left to my own devices I am a train wreck waiting to happen!  But what exactly does all this mean?  It means when I am running on self-will, when my ego is running the show; I am selfish and self-centred to the core and only leave a legacy of harm and hurtful behind in my wake.

Salvation begins when the realization is there, the step to surrender is realization.  When we see in ourselves we are beaten down by the demoralizing desperation to end it all.  To no longer live on self-will run riot.  This is the moment of truth where we can be open to help.  Help of a Divine Entity which indeed permeates through everything and which has its center in a place which is indeed Miraculous, This place is in your Heart.  This place which is indeed miraculous is in YOU HEART!  May YOU FIND THIS NOW!

---

GRACE

Finding the Great Gift of Grace within your Heart:  It’s been there all along and waiting for us to grasp it and hold on with dear life.  Most of my life I held on with all I had to the things that were killing me.  I was so afraid of change, change is a scary place therefore we hold on for dear life to our default setting.  No matter how painful this default setting, no matter what damage we cause in the past, we can’t let go of the default, no matter how painful, we can’t let go of our default.  This is our place of comfort, our comfort zone, and even as it gets worse, we hand on.  We fear change; we are living in fear, in fear of change, in fear of ourselves, in FEAR as a permanent state and we so fear change.

It’s only in change that we can achieve Salvation from the bondage of self, Salvation from this life of pain, from this life of doing the same thing over and over and expecting different outcomes (Albert Einstein told us we can’t solve the problem with the same thinking caused it, or something to that effect.)  We must embrace change for the better, let go of the things are killing us, the things holding us back from a life of ease and comfort.  A life of freedom and Serenity; may you find this NOW!

Look for next week’s edition on “GUILT & SHAME”.  And be sure to subscribe to our weekly newsletter to receive it directly you won’t miss a beat.

Duality of Being

 

EDITION 1 Issue #7

What is “Duality of Being”?  We will identify this with an easy to grasp example from the Bugs Bunny[i] cartoons where the character has an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other.  Remember seeing this?  Well this is what your head is like when you are torn between two thought processes, the good and the bad.  Angel and devil…. Which one do I listen to?  Usually it’s the self-serving, ego driven thought process leads to self-satisfaction, or relief from pain.  Anything which gives short term pleasure with no regard for the other people in my life; for me it’s the easy answer, the easy solution is the one which will be self-gratifying and self-serving.  Often-times to the detriment of family, or friends, people around at the time of the decision and those I love the most suffer from my selfish, ego-driven thought process.

Relief from self

How do we find relief from the self-serving, ego-driven thought processes lead us to the feelings of being torn between good and bad?  Stevie Ray Vaughan (written with Doyle Bramhall ©1989 In Step (Epic EK-45024) used under “Fair use”) sings about being;

 “Caught up in a whirlwind can't catch my breath,
knee deep in hot water broke out in a cold sweat
Can't catch a turtle in this rat race,
feels like I'm losin' time at a breakneck pace”

And I can so relate to these words, so well defining my thought pattern of being caught up in the whirlwind of my lies and manipulation.  The crazy, insane things I did, and do, to get my way, to get what I need.  They further describe the ego generated insanity with:

“Afraid of my own shadow in the face of grace,
heart full of darkness spotlight on my face
There was love all around me but I was lookin' for revenge,
thank God it never found me would have been the end
I was walkin' the tightrope steppin' on my friends…”

Especially rings out to me is the part “heart full of darkness spotlight on my face” in my self-serving ego-driven selfishness i.e. “spotlight on my face”, my heart is full of darkness because I am taking away from any gift Grace would offer me by separation, separation from the Universal Mind, or Great Creator.  Separation (look for our blog on “SEPARATION” in a February 2015 issue) from GOD and any Love of fellows, Love for my family and friends sorta disappears when duality of being pulls me to the bad side, or tips me over the rope to the evil being my ego wishes to keep me in.

Photo by author © 2014 beyondthe12th.com

Teachings

Where in the Teachings of great leaders do we see insight into the relief from duality?   When Jesus spoke and told Satan to “stand behind me” (Matthew 16:23) could he have been talking to ego-mind? (Don’t miss the issue on “EGO-MIND” end January 2015. To be sure you get this directly to your mailbox, SUBSCRIBE TODAY! Don’t miss out.)  Could the Christ Jesus have been relating to something we all have to one extent or the other?  The ego-mind which drives us to self-destruction through self-serving, self-satisfying temptation when he speaks out to do the things of real men which would in fact be the God driven acts or thoughts which will be “doing the right thing’?  Doing what will benefit the whole and my brother (read sister too…) instead of the self-gratifying, so easy choice which takes only my needs into consideration?  Could this great teacher have been relating to this when he call for Satan to get behind thee?  Therefore if we work on the premise there is no hell, there is no Satan aside from our self-destroying ego centric thought pattern.  Driven by ego-mind which looks to destroy the real self, the soul which has direct connection to Universal Mind, the connection is constantly interrupted by these conditionings of egocentric, destructive thinking: Duality of being!

Relief

Relief from this duality and ego is what we need to continually work on, to bring ourselves to be one with God, or good.  To be ONE with creation, with life as it was meant to be lived and what our Soul is searching out to reconnect with.  We achieve this through Prayer and Meditation.  Our ‘Big Book’ of alcoholics anonymous tells us we have a ‘daily reprieve’ from our alcoholism, interchange, our self-serving ego-driven thought pattern (read insanity!), we can maintain this daily reprieve through and contact with a power greater than ourselves –which I chose to call GOD – this Power which is fundamentally omnipotent and omniscient (read - is all Powerful and is everywhere at once and always) This Power which is there at the tip of our finger to grasp whenever we actually reach out for it.  The power of choice grated us by this Great Creation allow us the Grace of God, we don’t need to do anything to deserve it, to win it or to be worthy of the Grace of God.  We do however need to reach for it.  Reach for the Grace of God, as it is there for us at all times but we actually have to do something to take it.  Prayer and Meditation are fundamental in this journey to Enlightenment.  This is there for you.  Believe this! Take it! IT IS YOURS FOR THE TAKING! It is YOUR DEVINE RIGHT! Take it NOW!  Open you HEART and accept the gift from the Universe, it is yours for the taking, believe it!

Look for next week’s edition on “INSANITY”.  And be sure to subscribe to our weekly newsletter to receive it directly you won’t miss a beat.

[i] ™Looney Tunes

THANKSGIVING

 

November 26, 2014

EDITION 1 Issue #6

THANKSGIVING: What a sweet and wonderful word, reminds me, and I can smell it; turkey and pumpkin pie and all the kitchen odours and sounds go along with such a busy and crowded celebration of the most wonderful day of the year THANKSGIVING!  Aunty Linda with the excessive perfume, she just reeked! But what a nice woman she was, always full of surprises and gifts and crafts and tirelessly moving about the whole house helping with the meals, getting the men drinks, I think she was flirting with all my uncles and my daddy.  She would cook, serve, clean, and stay till everything and everyone was pretty much passed out from overeating, and overdrinking, overplaying and then I think she had to drive home because uncle was drunk…  Sometimes having to navigate snowstorms on the eastern seaboard where we lived.  Each and every one in a festive mood, happy, playful participatory and engaging; and uncle Gerry with the stories of how he grew up in Trinidad as a British subject and as he would have more drinks, and slip into further reverie he would come out with the Trinidadian accent, and when I would close my eyes for a moment the image in my head was of a crowd of dark coloured men, and not a white uncle of British lineage.  I will never forget the images I would conjure, and how far they are from reality, how my young imagination could steer me.  Those days are over.  But the celebration of Thanksgiving lives on.  

THANKSGIVING is one of the greatest metaphysical powers in the Universe.  The power of healing is within a Thank You!  The power of reconciliation is within a Thank You!  The power of Love is within a Thank You!  Such great metaphysical power in 2 simple words!  Why do we only celebrate Thanksgiving once a year?  In our household it is a daily celebration of Life on Earth, and the Thankfulness and Gratitude we express in our daily lives.  Expressing Thanksgiving daily to the Divine Creator of the Universe, or Source of ALL there is!

DUCK DYNASTY

Well some of us celebrate Thanksgiving more often.  Take for an example a great show I like to watch on the television A&E Network called Duck Dynasty: What a wonderful expression of Thanksgiving on a daily basis.  A bunch of rednecks, I can relate to, who have built up a huge brand, and following, from a simple duck call, and the redneck lifestyle.  What sets them apart, the thing I notice the most call out to me?  The fact that at each and every meal, at the end of each and every episode, at the end of the day they have a communal meal where the patriarch of the family says Thanksgiving prayer through Jesus!  Each and every episode they ALL bow their heads in Thanksgiving.  Not just once a year at “Black Friday” being thankful to spend money the following day, lining up all hung over and shit!  But each and every day they express their thanks to the Divine Creator of the Universe through Jesus Christ our Saviour.

The power of this is immense.  Beyond our understanding and they profess their Thanks each day; and I love them for it!  To me this is what sets them apart from the rest; their Love of life, and of Creation and Love of Jesus enough to properly credit the Grace of GOD, as we know Him, every day of the year.  They don’t wait until Thanksgiving Day to profess their gratitude and Love for Jesus, and the Creation.

The Gift of THANKSGIVING.

Why do we celebrate only one day of the year the Gifts and Love our Creator offers us daily, in every instant of every day?  And when we feel separation (more on “SEPARATION” in February 2015), when we feel separation from the Divine Creator and forget where and whence we came from, just drive over, or walk over to the nearest hospital and look at the Miracle of newborn, the innocence, The Spirit of Oneness within the gaze of a newborn.  When Jesus spoke of returning to the innocence of infancy, the playfulness and fearlessness that is LOVE of Creation, the Gifts within this innocence and fearlessness. The Gift of not having yet been subject to limitation, the limitation brought to us from family of origin, or original sin.  The fallacies we make up, and believe make us live in fear rather than living in unconditional Love which is our natural Spiritual setting.  As we are instructed and trained as we live on this earth we are separated from this original gift of Soul communion with the Creator, with the innocence and Oneness and we are conditioned to fear and loath and separate.  In separation we become lonely and fearful, not our Soul condition, but separation from this Oneness (more on “ONENESS” in a March, 2015 issue).    Why do we not come to the realization our thought pattern is flawed by ego-mind telling us there is pain, suffering, and something to repent about.  If we go on the Truth, the premise there is no such thing as sin; there couldn’t be such a thing because GOD is not evil. Evil originates in our conception, in our ego-selves creating a need to suffer and repent.  There being only the religions teaching of original sin, of sin and of suffering.  This having been created to assimilate the masses, and far from the original version of Jesus’ teachings, (Here Jesus is referred to as The Great Teacher, and not the religious icon propagated by Christian Religions, not that there is anything wrong with believing in some, or most of Christian and/or Catholic Religions) which teaches us to Love (see our February 2015 blog on “LOVE”. Yup right in time for Valentines’) our neighbour and treat others as we would like to be treated.   Let us not forget the good propagated though these Religions, and put aside the fallacies and errors derived through years and years of translations errors, and re-writing and adding hearsay: The error of sin. 

Correct usage of THANKING

Let us look at the metaphysical strength of Thank You, of Thanking our friends, fellows, even our enemies, (yes I did say enemies!  As we forgive, through Thanksgiving, we grow and release negative vibrations) for the defects we uncover (usually the defects we blame others for, are embedded deeply in us, and we uncover these when we perceive them in others, look carefully at yourself when you get angry, it will surprise you) when we get angry.   When we look at things in an attitude of Gratitude (look for our issue on “GRATITUDE” in March 2015) having an attitude, and a thought pattern geared in being grateful for all lessons in live, good and bad, will allow us to ever remain thankful for the gifts we receive from this “Universal Mind”, or Great Creator as the North American Aboriginal peoples call it (or Him, or Her, as you see fit).   My wife kindly pointed out to me: “If God is Creator, and gave Birth to our great Universe and Humanity, how can you all call it “Him” when only woman can Birth someone, or in this case something?” Therefore Creator would necessarily be “HER” as opposed to “HIM” (More on the Creation aspects, and the Him vs Her (HE vs She as C. G. Yung explains) argument in another edition).

“The grateful person knows that God is good, not by hearsay but by experience.  And that is what makes all the difference.”      Thomas Merton

But at the end of the day, whatever was an issue is past.  (See our issue on “LETTING GO” in January 2015)  When we look upon the past as exactly what it is: Past, we can more easily move on in a lighthearted way knowing we don’t have to hold onto our baggage as Paramahansa Yoganada kindly informed us:

 "You are walking on the earth as in a dream. Our world is a dream within a dream; you must realize that to find God is the only goal, the only purpose, for which you are here. For Him alone you exist. Him you must find."  –  The Divine Romance

If yesterday and all actions and happenings past are a dream, we need not hold them close to our heart, but allow them to evaporate as we awaken.  Therefore letting go of past assumptions, of our baggage and whatnot, is of major importance to our fulfillment of the life journey back to GOD, or Divine Creator, as you chose.

Look for next week’s edition on “DUALITY OF BEING”.  And be sure to subscribe to our weekly newsletter to receive it directly you won’t miss a beat.

DESPAIR

EDITION 1 Issue #5

What does that mean? Who feels desperation? Why did I have to come to a place of complete and utter desperation to become willing to change?  The horrible and profound feelings of hopelessness and emptiness: Exasperation!  The hole in my heart that just won’t heal!

This place of desperation is hell.  So if we take for premise hell is but an illusion, a fabrication of theological misinformation, or translation error.  Or the condition ego-mind (for a better understanding of our take on “EGO-MIND” look for our blog on this in January 2015) creates to keep us locked in fear.  If we take for premise hell does not exist.  I created my own hell on earth to live the experience.  Ego-mind kept me in the grips of hell on Earth until I became desperate enough to be willing to change, to be willing to surrender my life, and my will, over to the care of GOD.  I needed to be in a place of complete emptiness and despair to become willing.  We don’t all have to come to such a deep and desperate place, I did and I now understand why.  I was so self-absorbed, so stubborn thinking I can fix me with the same thinking created the problem.  Well the very brilliant mind Einstein told us in the very much used quote we can’t fix a problem with the same kind of thinking which created it.  So I needed to surrender to the Great Power of Universal Mind, or a Power Greater than myself.  Some would call this omnipresent power GOD.  

“Hell is the state of the soul powerless to come out of itself, absolute self-centeredness, dark and evil isolation, i.e. final inability to love” - The Destiny of Man Nicolas Berdyaev: London 1937 pg. 351

What are the conditions applied to desperation sensations? How do we regenerate if we feel spiritually demoralized?

Photo by author Temple in Zhejiang Province P.R. China     ©2014 beyondthe12th.com

Self-centeredness is a huge one. And taking the statement above for truth; the remedy for this “hell on earth” or despair is to come to terms with all that was, and go back to our past blogs (November 5, 2014 “ACCEPTANCE” and the week before and read October 29, 2014 of “FORGIVENESS”) and fully and completely come to terms and surrender (“SURRENDER” will be highlighted in the New Year -2015, subscribe today to be sure you don’t miss it.)  Coming to terms with all that is, and all that was.  Total acceptance and then surrender to the powerlessness of knowing God is the key to my Salvation.  Powerful as this last phrase is, it remains the truth.  As long as I remain in control of, or try to remain in control of my life, I am running on self-will, this perception I can remain in control is a fabrication of ego-mind. The ego-mind is so strong, so powerful and so deceiving.  As my late friend Milton used to say “my head got a contract out on my ass” and he knew full well this is his thinking, the self-centered, self-serving ego running amok telling us it will be okay this time.  If I pick up this once I will be able to control it.   If I just listen to my warped thinking I will be okay.  And I listen, I listen and then I have these feelings of desperation I am unloved, I am so lonely inside, and I try to fill this emptiness with outside issues.   Whether it be food, drugs, alcohol, sex….  I am trying to fill the whole in my soul, the emptiness and despair I fell, I try to fill and my thinking tells me it will be okay!  Well this is not the answer.

COMFORT

The answer comes first in the realization I have a problem.  The realization my life is unmanageable in the moral and inner self where I am unable to feel love, I am unable to get satisfaction from being.  I have been misled by my thinking, by my ego-mind who is trying to control my life and my body to the detriment of me.  What do I do?  I need to come to terms with this Idea of Salvation. (More on “SALVATION” in the New Year. Sign up now not to miss any issues)  What do I need to do?  I need to self-reflect and gain self-awareness. Where do I gain self-awareness?  We achieve self-awareness by the work of a twelve step program, a program of self-reflection and inner work, inner reflection which allows us to, not only come to terms with the deep rooted things from our past which are harming our forward development (this can be rooted in deep feelings of family of origin, or child abuse, of depression deep rooted within our being, of neglect, of separation syndrome….) the past which is hidden so deep inside we don’t know what is the root.  Until the day we commence the inner word of self-awareness leading to Salvation and acceptance of a Power Greater than ourselves will restore us to sanity.  When we are in the grips of ego-mind we are insane, we believe it will be different this time.  We continually do over and over and over the things which are killing us, expecting a different outcome the next time.  And each and every time we allow this warped thinking, or ego-mind the controls we wind up in self-sabotage and harm is done, often not only to ourselves but we hurt and abuse the loved ones closest to us.  Whether in neglect, in hurtful words or deeds, our actions are detrimental, and often insane.  And the worst is we don’t see the damage we have done until it’s too late.  For me the worst was the damage I did to my family and the ones I loved.  I continually pushed them away, thinking I was only hurting myself.  Thinking no one would be the wiser as my addiction got worse, as I lowered the bar on every aspect and circumstance in my life I lowered and lowered the bar and thought “nobody cares about me, as long as I stay away from the family, from my loved ones, they won’t know and it won’t hurt them.”   Well how wrong I was, how terribly selfish thinking, insane thinking, how can I live like this?  The ego driven emptiness had to be filled with something, and that something was killing me and my family, my loved ones.

 ATONEMENT

Until the day I became completely willing to give myself to a simple program of recovery and self-awareness which was the 12 Step Program saved my life, renewed my connection with my family, rebuilt destroyed bridges and gave me the self-love, God centered self-awareness returned me to sanity.  This was achieved through Atonement (more on “ATONEMENT” in the New Year).  The Atonement was presented to me in the form of Grace, the Grace of God, or a Power Greater than myself, this Grace offered to me free for the taking, as long as I reached out to accept it.  It was introduced to me through a twelve step program which changed my life forever and beyond. This is the primary purpose of this blog, to carry the message to those, within and without the rooms on the Grace of God and the things offered beyond the twelve steps.  Be sure to subscribe to our weekly newsletter to get the blog directly to your inbox.  Don’t delay, do it today!  

Look for next week’s edition on “THANKSGIVING”.  And be sure to subscribe to our weekly newsletter to receive it directly you won’t miss a beat.

©2014 beyondthe12th.com

SUFFERING

Suffering

EDITION 1  Issue  #4

IF ACCEPTANCE IS THE SOLUTION TO ALL MY PROBLEMS, THEN WHY AM I STILL SUFFERING?

 

Last week we spoke of ACCEPTANCE (see Ed #1 Issue #3; Nov. 5, 2014 blog) is the answer to all my problems, then why, oh God why, am I still suffering so, if I am in acceptance?  Why do I feel the despair (look for next week’s blog on “DESPAIR”, subscribe and don’t miss it!) and fear and loathing and all these terrible feelings?  Why?

PICTURE BY AUTHOR                                                                                                                                                          ©2014 beyondthe12th.com

Well the first question is: Am I really in ACCEPTANCE? Or do I just tell myself I have come to terms with the past and I will breeze through this.  If I do “half measures”, or only pretend to have accepted, and allowed my ego-mind (look for our blog on EGO-MIND in January 2015 for more detail) to keep running the show, I’m working on self-will run riot.  As long as I stay in the self-centered, self-seeking mode, and have not completely surrendered (look for our edition on “SURRENDER” in February 2015, subscribe now to be sure you get it delivered right to your mailbox) to the process.  A process of recovery laid out in the “12 Steps” for any of a number of recovery programs, be it AA, NA, Gamblers Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, Co-Dependants Anonymous…. The list goes on and on to well into the hundreds of programs based on the “12 Step” concept initially outlined in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous, affectionately referred to as the “Big Book”.  (If you haven’t done this work, no matter whether you believe you have addictive tendencies, if you are reading this and are not familiar with the ‘program’ as laid out in the “Big Book” we suggest you get a copy from your local library and at least look at it. When you are ready to completely do the work outlined in the “12 Step Program” find a local group and a sponsor will take you through the process, it’s not something one does alone, just by reading the book, it is a process, and we highly recommend it.)  What am I still holding on to?  What is it I don’t want to release?  What is so deeply ingrained I will not face or will not let go of?

INSANITY

 Why is it we still suffer the insidious insanity of our past. Why do we feel the need to live in the past when all the teachings so far have told us to ‘let go’ to release through prayer and meditation?  The well versed quote from the book Alcoholics Anonymous fourth edition pg83 “We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.”  These words are well written yet do we really, like, really deep down inside, become this person who has completely released?  It’s a lot more difficult than it seems.  Our natural resistance to change keeps us in the grips of detrimental behaviors sometimes we don’t even realize are detrimental to ourselves and to others around us.  Take me as example:  Throughout most of my life I treated anyone and everyone who came into my life as if they were there to serve my purpose.  Not knowing this is the first premise of abuse, I used people, whether in sex relations, business relations, friendships; you came into my life, you were there to serve my hidden agenda.  This was driven from a ‘gangland mentality’ which is a very selfish and self-centred way of going about the world.  And I didn't realize I was hurting anyone, I did what I did because it was what I knew.  I knew only this life. The life of metal abuse and cruelty keeping you close only because you served some hidden agenda of mine, and when you no longer useful to me I threw you aside as if we never met.  Cold and completely detached, as if you never existed in my life, leaving you, presumably, with a huge hole and wondering what you did to cause separation.  When it was possibly nothing you did, just time for me to move on not realizing my behavior was hurtful.  Leaving devastation and destruction in its path, this behavior created animosity, broken relationships, hurt feelings and chaos in its wake.  Hurting other without realizing, or skipping a beat was all I was about.  Life went on….

CHANGE

Change (see our newsletter on “CHANGE” January 2015, be sure to subscribe to have it delivered directly to your mailbox) is really quite difficult.  We have an inane resistance to change.  We hold onto our habits, even when they are detrimental.  As my late friend Scotty used to say: “I hold on for dear life to the things which are killing me!”  And I well understand this now.  I refused to let go, unbeknownst to me,  and so continued to suffer even after having believed I had completely given myself to a ‘program’, as in the 12 step, a ‘program, of recovery where some others where seeing relief, or recovery for the seemingly hopeless state of mind that is recovery.  Change is so difficult as we hang onto our habits, to our character defects lead us to the same behaviours, over and over, we assume the same role, or same characteristics which were so detrimental to our life.  We hang onto our ‘default’ mode because it’s all we know, deep inside it is our comfort zone, no matter how bad some habits are, we hold onto them because this is where we are comfortable.  Be it aggressiveness, which is a territorial instinct driven by fear, and places our opponent, often a loved one, in terror, or in a defensive position and then we assume we are superior.  But all this behavior does is place more stress on an already stressed relationship when we are coming from a place of fear and defensiveness rather than from a place of care, love and tolerance, as the principles of the program teach us when we completely give ourselves to it.

Look for next week’s edition on “DESPAIR”.  And be sure to subscribe to our weekly newsletter to receive it directly you won’t miss a beat.

FORGIVENESS

Edition 1 Issue 2

Forgiveness

What is “FORGIVENESS”?  And why do I have to forgive someone who has done bad things to me, or my family, or my friends?

picture taken by the author  ©2014 beyondthe12th.com All rights reserved

These are very good questions, and we must look deeper at the cause of this perceived wrongs.  Let’s take for granted no one is purposefully doing anything to hurt others.  If no one, ever, meant me wrong how could I possibly be resentful for perceived wrongs.  Could it all be an illusion?   We need to look at all instances and all actions of others from a perspective:  Do they know this will harm me, or my family, or my loved ones?  Most of the time, if not all of the time, the answer is no we perceive things differently from others.  Mostly our upbringing or family of origin, or circumstance is how the psychiatrists and learned professionals call it.  Our “Family of Origin” is the way our parents and ancestors thought patterns and our relationships create a thinking pattern within our close environment and this is not necessarily the same type of thought the neighbor has for sure.

So what does this have to do with forgiving wrongs done to me?  Well I had a difficult time with this at first because my thinking is I must retaliate in kind for things done to me, against people who attack me.  I must hold a grudge, and pay back is a bit___ (not sure I can use the word here so I won’t.)  I need to exact revenge for every wrong done to me, or to anyone whose actions affect my inner circle of family, friends, work environment, etc.…  I need to get even.

Resentment

I now know holding resentment, or otherwise wishing revenge, retaliation or other form or ‘getting back at’ them, or him, or it, or otherwise holding a grudge, is a sin, a wrong way of thinking which leads to resentment.  If resentment is so damaging it could, and will, lead me to return to my old way, for me - drugs and alcohol, for others whichever their “drug of choice” is, whether food, sex, self-harming behaviors have so many faces.  If withholding forgiveness is like an ulcer remains untreated and escalating resentment I hold on to, I am in effect not treating a huge symptom of my disease.  If I don’t treat my dis-ease, I am on the road to relapsing, self-harm, or worse, lashing out and harming others.  So forgiveness and acceptance (next week’s installment on “Acceptance”) are the answer, how do I forgive those things are so hurtful, so harming?  How do I release this?  I just can’t let go.  I just can’t you say!  Well you can and you must.  If a jagged splinter is in your eye you must remove it for it will continue causing pain and will eventually fester, and puss will come out, infection will continue, and you will lose the eye, and worse, die.  Resentment is the same, it festers, and the ego-mind wants you to hold it close to your heart because the ego thrives on the pain.  The ego-mind will want you to hold onto this because it is one of the tools withholding you from the Truth.  The Truth will set you FREE, and the Truth lies in forgiveness and release from the things which are killing you.  The Truth lies in Atonement derived through Forgiveness.

Release

So how do I release?  How do I let go of these feelings I need to hold to keep anger strong in my heart?  How do I let go, and let GOD?  Well it’s easy when we look closely at our character defects and the things are killing us, the things we cling to for false security.  The ego-mind holds us here and we need to let go and let GOD take over.  We need to allow the Truth to set us free.  How many times I hear this and didn’t understand what it meant, if you haven’t done step four the best of your ability.  If you haven’t done step work, we suggest you find a 12 step support group in your area, or if in a remote location or a country does not have AA, NA, Al-Anon and Al-Ateen support groups. Gamblers Anonymous, overeaters… the list goes on and on.  If you live in a remote location do a search engine for online support or connect with us and we will attempt to align you with the right group, or groups.  Doing the 4th step over again when we understand we need to search deeper and deeper into every corner of our resentfulness and find true forgiveness in our hearts.  And the first place to look is at self-condemnation.  So many of us hold the deepest resentments against ourselves, we hold resentment for perceived wrongs.  We need to forgive ourselves first and foremost.  For years I held on with dear life to the things that were killing me; anger, resentment, fear, self-loathing, self-harming and self-deprecating thoughts and behaviors.  This though pattern was ego driven and so harmful, like having cancer and not wanting to listen to the treatment methods.  The treatment would mean replacing ego-mind with Truth.  We certainly can’t have that, now can we?  Well this is my warped thinking.  Ego-mind doesn’t want me to find Truth, because Truth replaces ego-mind.  Truth is Love and communion with God.  There is no longer need for resentment when we have Truth.  Truth is timeless and overcomes all darkness.  We must eventually accept this.  But as long as we live in guilt and shame (look for our installment on “Guilt and Shame” in a December issue of our newsletter right here at www.beyondthe12th.com), as long as we hold onto resentments we will not be in Truth.  Truth is Love.  Love is God, or connection to the Oneness of the Universal Mind.  May you find Him NOW!

Next blog post is on “ACCEPTANCE”. Subscribe now to be an integral part of the journey, we need your support to maintain the website, continued blogs and newsletters and Social Media feeds to those who are suffering, and to those of us needing to maintain connection and motivation throughout the day.

NEW BEGINNINGS

                                                                                                                      Edition 1 Issue 1

Beyond the 12th Step would like to welcome you to our new weekly e-newsletter. Please subscribe to ensure continued receipt of the very valuable information in these newsletters. We need your support and will provide value in weekly submissions, and daily social media feeds: @beyondthe12th. We hope you will enjoy this newsletter, but if you don't wish to receive this weekly feature, please click below to change your preferences. Also please feel free to submit articles if you have something to share. Please only submit personal stories omitting anything personal would identify anyone or any particular place. Be sure to include your permission for us to publish your work. (info@beyondthe12th.com)

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A New Beginning

Welcome to our first instalment of the new beginning. A new beginning of carefully searching for the answers, and working towards inner awakening, on our inner soul. Whether you are a co-dependent, an alcoholic, an overeater, addicted to drugs, to prescription medication, addicted to sex, overcome with incessant gabling, gaming, video games (for money or just for the challenge) …  Or just seeking the Light, looking for Enlightenment as so many of us are. You are welcome to join us on our journey. There are so many addictive behaviors, and the one we can almost all relate to is co-dependence.

Why do we feel these feelings, feelings of guilt, feelings of shame, feelings of inferiority, feelings of not belonging? Feeling alone?  Some of us have, or had, a deep sense of emptiness within our heart, a feeling of emptiness in the pit of our stomach.  This awful feeling we stymied and quashed with alcohol, drugs, food, sex, or any number of other ways to escape, to run form life as it is.  To be in a place where confusion and darkness overcomes us and we are filled with feelings of guilt and shame and inadequacy.

We have discovered, through 12 Step work, the answer and solution to our problems. The solution is a Spiritual Solution and here we will expand and expound on this Spiritual Solution. A Spiritual Solution we have found when we did the inner work in 12 Step work.  The Spiritual Solution we will continue to develop within our heart of hearts. In inner work we have a solution.

We have learned we need to continually do work on ourselves, through communion with a power greater than ourselves to achieve the Spiritual Path which we so strongly yearn for. We seek the connection to God, and here we will continue on the road to recovery and connection to this power which resides within our hearts.  We are stuck, sometimes, in a place where confusion and darkness overcomes us.  Here we discover, and continually keep this connection to a power greater than ourselves who restores us to sanity.  Because when we are in the grips of ego-mind, we are insane. We act and react from a place of fear and we feel hurt, anxious, worried, betrayed, lost, misunderstood, and sometimes desperate.

The 12 Steps

Those of use who have discovered a “Twelve Step Program” and have fearlessly, and thoroughly, done the inner work involved in the self-discovery and self-development through twelve Step Programs know the pain involved with coming to terms with character defects.  The pain, guilt and shame of the past tears away at our insides; we feel inadequate, inferior or just uncomfortable in our skin.  Having to forgive when our ego says attack! Having to de accepting of all the things, which had happened, are just that: Things that happened!  To release from the bondage of self, of selfishness, of self-centeredness. Of always having to have our own way, to be constantly right.

I have a good friend pass away a few years ago, my friend would often say:  “I would rather be happy than be right.”  I took me a while to get it. But I have this incessant need to be right because I know better that everyone else. It’s just the way it is.  I'm smarter, or better informed, or my logic faculties are superior. Whatever reasons my ego tells me “I'm” right.  Which would make anyone else wrong!   I have an innate need to be right all the time.  If we’re all right, and the other person wrong then how can we find Oneness?  We will forever be disconnected, alone, self-serving and self-seeking. This is not the way of Spiritual Enlightenment.  We look for redemption from our sins, bad behaviors, thoughts, and actions.  Follow us on this journey to Atonement and Freedom from the wreckage of the past, and the need to be disconnected from the Oneness.

The New Beginning

New beginning is renewal in Life and Light. New beginning in renewal for so many of us who have trudged the path of denial in addiction and “isms”, traumatic reactions to traumatizing experiences beyond our control.  So many of us discontent with life, with ourselves, with our circumstances.  We felt the need to use outside comforts to change the way we feel inside.  For some of us it was drugs, for others it was food, comfort food and lots of it. For others it may be sex, and more sex with so many partners of maybe the same sex, both sexes, multiple partners at once, or in the same day, to make us feel better.  To relieve the pain and suffering, to change the circumstances the way we feel about ourselves the way we interact with our friends and neighbours. Some of us chose alcohol, which instantly released us from our inhibitions, our inability to freely express ourselves or communicate. All of a sudden we had the power to be who, or what, we most wanted to be, free.  Free from our self-loathing and deprecating ways, free from the ravages of addiction, free from the pain and suffering others have been putting us through. Free from the constant chirping in our head telling us things we don’t want to hear. Resembling the likes of the 2 miniature characters sitting atop each shoulder as in the cartoons. We had a devil on one shoulder screaming way louder than the Angel telling us it’s OK. (Blog on “Duality of Being” will follow Thanksgiving.) 

There is a solution; the solution resides in the Spiritual one. The whispering inside telling us we must listen to the Truth, and not the ego-mind ruling from a place of fear, a place of shame, a place of inequity and torment at the things we did, heard, where done to us. The things we felt so bad about which are tormenting and everything will be okay! …  Atonement is what we find in the inner work. Atonement is what we find when we stay connected with Beyond the 12th for the work needs to continue, or we will find ourselves right back where we started. Relapsed and wondering what happened.      I see it almost daily. 5, 10, 12, 15 even 25 years without picking up ten finding a drink, a drug, or other behavior we concluded was destructive and we thought we has completely given ourselves

Maintaining our Awareness

So as we understand we must move away from these feelings of guilt and shame. In the step work we released some, if not all. But our conditioning persists.  We hang on for dear life to the things which are killing us.  Without continued diligence and a closed eye on the forward development we soon find ourselves doing some old behavior. Insulting someone, and justifying it as teasing. Taking someone’s inventory, judging the person or behavior as inappropriate, as something “I wouldn't do!”, committing other behaviors we are supposed to have cleansed as inappropriate character defects.

Next blog post is on “FORGIVENESS”.  Subscribe now to be an integral part of the journey, we need your support to maintain the website, continued blogs and newsletters and Social Media feeds to those who are suffering, and to those of us needing to maintain connection and motivation throughout the day.